Trying to join the real world

So, the travel as such has kind of come to an end you could say. I’ve been all over the show having a wonderful time catching up with old friends and meeting new ones. I’m now in Antibes, down in the south of France, trying to get some form of income. At the moment I almost want to join the lady begging down the road just to pay for lunch. But, I’ve been sat at a computer solidly for the past two days (I always wanted an office job….now I don’t) applying for recruitment agencies and filling out a thousand different documents and swearing intermittently (let’s be honest it was for a majority of the day) at the computer. There were fists thrown and tantrums had but we’ve made head way so hopefully it won’t be too long before I’m complaining about working. 
Anyway, more about the fun things I’ve been doing. I’ve gotten ridiculously fat in the process but I think that’s all part of it ay?! 

First off, I was in Paris for a bit exploring on my own and then meeting a group of really nice girls to explore the all the places you’re supposed to. On my first day I hired a bike and got completely lost trying to find the Effile tower and found most of the land marks in the process. I had a wonderful day but didn’t enjoy Paris as much as I had other places. I found it a bit gross and smelly and as warned, the people were a tad titchy. I’d try out the French I knew and they’d roll their eyes and speak to me in English. I’d speak in English and they’d roll there eyes and speak in French, I couldn’t win. I got sick of waiting around and decided to call up friends in the UK and head over that way. 

enjoying a sweet picnic on my own before some rude couple got engaged next to me under the effile tower

The U.K.:

A nice reasurance that I didnt just lug may massive jacket and thermals across Europe for nothing!!

I flew over to Manchester (odd place to pick I know) to see a long lost 7 Queen buddy. Another 7 Queen buddy come over from London and we hiked up Mt Snowdonia in Wales (I spelt it right this time) and had a wonderful weekend exploring. It was such a nice change to be in an English speaking country and the food at the supermarket, OH, MY, GOD!! Is so cheap. I now understand why all my UK friends winge about the price of food in NZ. 


While I was in Paris a bit over being alone, I made a rash decision to go to a festival with a friend from home. It was in Budapest and until I had booked my flights, I had had no idea where Budapest was #starstudentingeography πŸŒπŸ‘.  It’s in Hungry by the way, a country I really wanted to visit…..

Anyway, Sziget is a 7 day festival on an island known as the island of freedom. It was out of control! I wasn’t sure I’d last the full 7 days, I lasted 6, but had the time of my life! I hadn’t really drunk since ironman and I don’t really drink at all anymore so day one was a bit like being back in Dunedin. Bridget got overly excited about the national spirit of Hungry, Palinka, and had to have a tackty and use a newly aquired friend as a leaning pole before regaining some sobriety. The rest of week improved, I regained my drinking abilities and pashed a baben Dutch guy who said I had a nice ass #winning #greatestASSist. Most of the bands that played I had no idea exsited but it’s all the same to me anyway. The best night was the night of Tinnie Temper! The line up started like this; Sum41, we all felt like angry 17year olds again, Tinnie Temper who made the entire crowd, some 10s of the thousands, all run the left and right and back again, the highlight of Sziget. Next was David Guetta who had the best light show and was a class act as always. I went off on my own as suggested by a friend and had the most wonderful time meeting new people and drinking mojitos from buckets. I was in paradise! 🏝🍹

Before I got to Budapest, I had been panicking about going to the festival, what clothes I needed to buy and how I needed to look. From what is seen on Facebook and peoples snap chats you need really short shorts and crocheted tops that just cover your nipples. You also needed a wash board stomach and some ridulous flower head band thing. When in fact, my rainbow stripped swimming togs were perfect for the occasion and you can actually where stubbies and a swan dry, nobody fucking cares!! 

this guy was wearing a banana suit and light blubs!!

Sziget was fucking fun and thankfully we had an Airbnb and while there a number of things wrong with the apartment, it was so much nicer then camping #imtoooldforthatshit.

 Fuck me 6 days of partying is hard work!! I thought a solid 6days of intense training was hard, this was another level. I made the coolest friends and got my first international pash (this better be the start of a good streak)!! The guy (John, I’m pretty sure his name was John) also asked if he was going to be in my dairy, there ya go John 😘

trying to tourist post Sziget


i really wanted to go on the paddle boats but had no buddy #nigelnomates

Prague is the coolest city!! It’s so pretty and just fucking cool. I got lost, again, and saw most of what you’re “supposed” to see. I managed to find a delicious restaurant on my first night which had traditional Czech food but for the most part the food seemed to be of German, Italian or Hungarian decent. Interestingly I think, from what I read, this is mostly because of communism only ending in 1989 and the traditional food being only in homes not out in restaurants and markets. Aparently it’s slowly making its way back. It’s bloody good too!

eating out for one while planning tomorrows adventure

Real life:

I caught a 20 hour bus from Prague to Nice which went back through Switzerland and the Alps. I LOVE SWITZERLAND!! And then through Italy and down along the south coast of France. While it took an entire day, it was cool to see a glimpse of Italy and enjoy the beauty of Switzerland again. Did I mention I love Switzerland?

My cousin found us a sweet flat in Antibes and it is so European it’s not funny. It’s so nice to have a base and not be in a dorm bunk with 12 other people and also be able to unpack your shit!! I’ll be here for a bit, going to agencies and organising a job but I’m hoping it’s not too long before something pops up. In the mean time I’m living like a have a job and earning money like a top yachty. While this is wonderful, my bank account is rapidly ceasing to exsit!

a delicous rum sponge cake. the guy gave me the bottle just incase it needed extra πŸ‘Š

Traveling is hard. Traveling alone I think is harder. I’ve had days where I’ve meet cool people and have the time of my life but mostly I’m finding it quite lonely. I seem to be just missing the couple of guys that seem cool to chat too and most of the time I feel like the sifter trying to awkwardly start convos #classic. Some other days, I just want to cry and am desperate for my normal friends. I keep trying to remind myself to appreciate the little things in life, like seeing a SQUIREL!!!! (man they are frickin cool) and that traveling alone is supposed to be soul searching and you really find out who you are. I’d say that’s half bullshit. It mostly makes you poor, while being surrounded by couples asking you to take a nice photo of them who then politely return the favour as you stand awkwardly, alone, next to some land mark. Also, you and you alone have to make all the mistakes, now that’s a fun game 😩. I’m sure I’ll look back and be greatfull but for nowI’ll  keep picking up penny’s in hope that my luck will come in the form of a nice looking male (I’ve collected quite a few penny’s so far, it’s not looking promising).

A classic awkward photo by the John Lennon wall in Prague πŸ€“

Not moving on, I had one of these FML, why do I have to do this alone, I’m going to sulk and cry moments today while being quickly reminded of the beauty around me (I haven’t gone all hipsy gypsy so just keep reading). It wasn’t anything big but you get over shity things happening after a while.

The story goes,  I was down to my last pair of nickers and the stench for my washing bag was beginning to woft. I found a local laundry mat and was astounded to see it cost €5.50!! About $10 equivalent at home (fucking outrageous if you ask me). It had to be done so in went my money and nothing happened. I pushed buttons, open and closed doors, actually read the instructions but the stupid thing held onto my money and wouldn’t wash my clothes!! I was pissed that it was going to cost me €5.50 to wash my stuff in the first place, now I was fuming. I reluctantly put my washing in another machine and gave the stupid machine more money. One load of washing costing about $20 NZD 😑. I continued to push buttons and sulk about the machine eating my money when I came across one of those little things in life that make everything better. And, while this thing in particular wasn’t little, this guys ass was the nicest ass I’ve seen in a while 😍 (I’m going to give detail whether you like it or not). It was full on Jlo, Kim K, BeyoncΓ© bootylicious right there in all of man kinds glory. Thankfully European guys wear tight assed pants (come on NZ, not the skinny jeans though) which made all that much sweeter. Also thankfully, I was wearing sunglasses so could stare a bit longer, it really made my day πŸ˜‰ #iamsuchacreep. 


So there’s your go home speech for today, while shits hitting the fan look around for a nice set of butt cheeks, there is always something to be appreciated! 

Enough from me, I’m not even sure how many of you read this, especially now I’m not racing or even training 😱😬 πŸŠπŸ»πŸš΄πŸƒπŸΌ (that’s how it goes ay?!). I haven’t been on a proper bike in over 5 weeks and am seriously jealous of everyone at home training for worlds champs. Good luck to you all! I mean that from the bottom of my heart….I really do….However, to dull the guilt and lessen squishy layer I’ve obtained,  I’ve  stared using a wee training app that makes me jump around my tinny apartment and man do I suck. I’ve never been much of a bouncer and it appears nothing has changed 🐘. Anyway I’m going on, I hear Spring is on its way to NZ so can all start thawing out and complaining about the cold. While having been in 20+ heat and sunshine for 2 months now, my complexion is still see through so there is no need to be jealous πŸ‘». 

Hope you’re all doing well. Stay excellent 😘 xx

Riding the gravy train.

My parents were here 28years ago with the same ice cream!

Seems I’m not racing at the moment I thought I’d keep up the blogs and let you know the things I’m getting up to over here 🌍✈️🍫🍺😎

After Roth I was picked up by my parents and we were off on a 10day adventure. In this time, I never spent a cent and I sure made the most of it  πŸ˜œ


First, we traveled to Lucerne in Switzerland and visited the town of Beckinreid. This is where my parents lived and worked for the good part of two years 28years ago. It is beautiful and I’m in love! I loved Germany and Switzerland and would quite like to live there for a while myself. 

When in Rome, delicious brutwursts πŸ˜‹

Not only is the ice cream, bread, Yoghurt and chocolate in Germany and Switzerland out of this world, they’re absolutely beautiful countries. Everyone is really chilled and no one seems to be in a rush, unless your driving. I had the most traumatic experience driving in Munich. I’ve probably mentioned this but I’m scared by this experience. I never ever ever want to drive in Europe again! Driving on the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road and trying to navigate with a stupid GPS that won’t talk to me going around and round in circles in peck hour traffic was the worst. The anxiety I had about getting in that car again to drop it at the airport was causing my hair to fall out! It makes my anxious thinking about it!! 

However, besides the ridiculous underground, roundabout,one way, autobahn carry on, Germany was awesome! 

Up the top of the Klawenalps. In winter yoi can ski from the top all the way to the water front!


Next, we flew to Barcelona in Spain which was so much different from Germany and Switzerland! Spain was crazy with More delicious food, arguing over which way to go and Dad being stuck in 1983 when he first traveled and referring to everything in Franks, hilarious πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. We had delicious paella and tapas, mum got coned into buying roses and I got a mojito in a bag. 

On a double decker checking out the city. Check out Mums sweet hat!


We had a bit of drama trying to figure out trains and flights but we made to Madrid. Man it was hot 35-38degrees, Mum and Dad melted a bit but we avoided outside in the peak heat which seem to be about 3-4 o’clock oddly enough. Madrid was even more full on than Barcelona but felt a lot more like the Spain I had imagined. Beautiful streets and buildings.

Dad found the best market with every kind of Spanish food you could want, we were in our element! 

I was beginning to get irritated and worked up from not being able to train. I’ve worked so hard to get to the level I’m at it’s hard to just enjoy traveling without worrying about keeping up my fitness let alone getting better. My achillies are still giving me grief so running is out of the question. I managed to find a local pool in Madrid and get a bit of swimming done which made me feel soooo much better. Now the first search I do in a new city is search for the local pool.


We got to Portugal with no troubles this time but I think it’s safe to say Air Europa will not be on the future intiary and I think we’d all had enough of each other by then as well.

Mum battling up the castle stairs

We still had a wonderfull day out in Cascais and Sintra the most beautiful old palaces and buildings I’ve seen so far! The food was Absolutely delicious and we stayed at a fancy hotel with a cool roof top bar. unfortunately  we were only in Lisbon for a day but I will defo be back to explore Portugal some more.

It was terrifying knowing I was on my own after this and even more terrifying knowing I had to start using my own money 😩. Nothing was planned and I still didn’t have a job lined up which frightened me most of all but being broke and traveling with no agenda is part of it all ay?! I’ll tell ya what’s not part of it all, it’s a fucking bike. This thing has been a pain in my ass since I left NZ. Dragging it around airports and train stations is comical for those watching but holy shit balls it is not funny from my point of view. I had planned to ship my bike home to NZ following Roth but it was going to cost over $1000!! So plan B was to send it to Portugal and get my parents to take it home with them……but my bike is like the cat that came back the very next day. It got lost and never made it out of bloody Germany 😑😫!!!! Soooo it had to get shipped to France where I was staying at a backpackers. Thank goodness for wonderful friends, it’s now being looked after in the UK until I can figure out what to do with it from there. I’m absolutely shocked that it even made it to the UK but now t-Rex is on this side of the world hopefully we can find a few races πŸŠπŸ»πŸš΄πŸƒπŸΌπŸ‘πŸŒπŸ†

Paris is the next adventure and a few impromptu trips following but I’ll update you on that in a bit. 

Stay excellent 😘 xx


1 code brown and 2 non-compliant achilliesΒ 

Challenge Roth really lives up to its name in many more ways than one. It wasn’t the day I had planned to have but it was sure one hell of a race and I’ll be back to right my wrongs.

My build up to this Ironman wasn’t what you call ideal. I was stressed to the max trying to sort everything before going over seas and while I got over here in one piece I was still I mess trying to make sure the next part was sorted. My head wasn’t in the game from the get go. Thailand was an awesome experience and I will defo go back before another race build up but next time I think I’ll be doing it a good month out from my race. I came away injured and feeling no fitter than when I left NZ. I don’t know why but it’s just how I was feeling.

When I got to Germany I thought sweet, 2 weeks to chill and my achillies will come right….no. My achillies seemed to get worse and I was feeling even worse fitness wise.

I had an amazing time in Roth with my host family but I still wasn’t feeling it. I thought once I had registered and got all the race kit I’d get more into it…..I did, but only for a couple of hours and then we were back to panicking about achillies and further travel plans. Bike racking will surely get me going I thought, not even close.

Race morning:

Up early as per usual, no problems there. Went through my normal routine, but a couple of things weren’t quite right but I won’t go into too many details there…..πŸ’© Down checking the bikes good to go, still not feelin it. A redbull has got to get me amped up now….didn’t even touch the sides. 

The swim:

The swim was in the Roth Canal, straight up and down and should have been a fast swim. I was hoping for a sub hour swim which I could have easily done but I just couldn’t get a good rhythm. It usually takes me a good 1km to warm up and slowly move up the pack but it just wasn’t happening. I was moving up the pack but my pace was terrible and I couldn’t seem to get any clear water. I had taped up my achillies for some support which had helped earlier in the week but the damn tape started coming off mid swim. I could feel it flapping and dragging in water and I’m sure it’s what cost me my 3 minutes. I came out angry as hell in 1:03.


I battled with the achillies out of the water and into the tent where the volunteers were yelling (encouragingly) to hurry up. 

The Bike:

Knowing it was a fast course and knowing what I had been doing in Thailand, I was aiming to get round in a time between 5:45 and 5:50. I was angry for most of the first lap, my head so far out of the game I needed a good slapping. I was down on my planned time, once again but I was trying hard to shake the big chip on my shoulder and make up time where I could. I got to Solar hill which is the infamous hill of Challenge Roth. The hill is lined with other 5000 people and it’s like what you see in the Tour de France. The people part as you come to them and you can hear the crowd 5km down the road. It was amazing and managed to shake the mood I was in (it kind of made me cry!). Coming round for the second lap just got harder but I was in better spirits until I thought I was down 15minutes and toys were about to be thrown. Looking at the times of previous years I thought it was going to be an easy course. I was wrong, very wrong. It was fucking hard!! Lovely fast roads but a lot more climbing than you would think for a course with a new record of 4:08 😱 

Anyway, T2 came out of know where and I was off the bike in 5:57. I was stoked to finically get under 6 hours but still have a lot of work to do. To put it in perspective, I am out of the swim in the top 50 woman overall I came off the bike in 181 female position!!!!! Ridiculous!


Legs were like jelly trying to re-tape my achillies which lasted 400m before it fell off again 😩

The Run:

I started well and thought sweet if I can hold this pace we’ll be sweet. Achillies weren’t giving me too much pain but I couldn’t get any acceleration so it was an ugly shuffle run from the get go. This is when shit hit the fan. I’d hadn’t taken any electrolytes on the bike as it was causing my belly to do sumasuilts and i was so focused on making up time on the bike I hadn’t taken on enough food (rookie!). My tummy was cramping and I thought I was going to spew for about 25km. I started forcing gels in and resorted to throwing straight table salt down the hatch to try restore a bit of an electrolyte balance (salt Defo needs tequila and lemon with it). I wasn’t feeling much better and my belly continued to cramp and all I could focus on was trying not to vomit. I was also terrified of shitting myself but was desperate for a few farts. I know I said I was going to leave it all out on the course but I wasn’t high enough in the feild to be disgracefully excreting my stomach contents. I did however end up in the bush with my first code brown during a race πŸ’©πŸ’©. I felt much better and would have lost 30seconds tops. My belly threatened another code brown with 4km to go but there was no way I was stopping.

The run course is pretty much flat and boring as hell. It cuts in and out and back and forth on its self. It’s dry and hot and I fucking hated it! I think this would have been a perfect course for me had I been able to actually lift my legs off the ground and form a proper stride but not all races will be good. 

I kept recalculating my times with the terrible run splits I was getting and I couldn’t believe I was still going to make my goal of a sub 11:30. 

My Dad joined for a little jog and gave me the New Zealand flag to finish. The finish line was pumpin but I didn’t appreciate it for what it was because all I could think of was sitting down. 

I crossed in a respectable but disappointing time of 11:26.

The finishers tent:

Was out of control sooo many crippled athletes and sooooooo much penis πŸ™ˆ. There was no seperate boys and girls tents even during the transitions. Now this doesn’t bother me one bit, I’m a nurse I’ve seen all sorts, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many penises. I wasn’t quite game enough to embrace the full nudity but when in Rome right?

The food was the best spread I’ve seen and I fi oaky got to dive into the pastries and dive I did. They didn’t have any ice cream which I was most disappointed about but I’ve eaten enough in the past two weeks to make up for it. 

Over all I’m a bit gutted about my effort in Roth. It’s shown me I’ve got a long way to go but I really think I can do a lot better, a lot lot better. I’m going to invest some money in a full time coach and really plan out my next race. Ironmans aren’t something you can do on a whim. Well you can but you can’t expect to be the champion. 

Nutrition seems to be my biggest problem, no surprises there. I’ve been doing some research and learning a lot. I’m back to being the fuss pot like I was as a kid and not being shy of saying no to foods I know do not agree with me. This is going to be challenging while traveling but if this is something I really want to achieve I will have to sacrifice feeding my face with ice cream and chocolate. 

Anyway, that’s is quite a read. I left you previously full of hope and determination and I feel I’ve almost disappointed. I know in myself I have greatness to achieve but also know I have a lot of hard work in front of me if i am to achieve this. I want it but I think I need to want it more.

I’ll be keeping you updated on all my travel mishaps in the mean time and so far I’ve made it to Paris without too many hiccups and haven’t lost anything….yet. I have the most horrendous tan lines which continue to remind me that I can not go in the sun without sunblock, will I ever learn?

Hope all is well at home. Starting to miss NZ and you all. Stay excellent xx 😘

P.s. There’s 2 for 1s and beer pong at my hostel tonight and I need to meet some friends….this will not end well #bringingbacktheoldbridget #dunedin #scarfie #sherylfuckenwest



I’m not very good at this mirror selfie thing

A quick note before D day tomorrow/tonight for most of you at home. It’s a much more light hearted rant than the last. I still feel shit about my weight, especially surrounded by thousands of amazingly fit athletes but I’ll get over myself one day.😜

I’ve been in Thalmaessing (just by Roth) with the most amazing host family for a week now. They have weighted on me hand and foot and I could not have asked for anything more before a race. Lothar has done this race 14 times and knows every pot hole on course so has been the best inside source. Sabine has been my amazing chef and is going to make her famous strawberry cake for breakfast on Monday as I’ve had to abstien from her amazing baking so far. 😩

I’m shitting bricks about the unknown outcome of tomorrow, terrified I haven’t done enough and have no idea what my achillies are going to allow me to do.😬 Something that helps me shake this and gets me pumped pre race is motivational talks and music. This is one of my favourite quotes, “our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us,” Marianne Williamson. I never understood this and it was only recently during a race where I achieved something greater than I thought possible, that it finally made sense to me. Tomorrow I will not go out with a time goal but a goal to find my greatness. Everything I have will be left on that course. I will not let my fear define who I am. Ima show you how great I am! I was made to be great and I will show you I can. Tomorrow, I will make this goal a reality. I CAN!! I CAN!!! I CAN!!!! (My grandma always told me there’s no such word as “can’t” 😜)

so many bikes! 3000 competitors and 25000 spectators 😱

Anyway moving on from the Rocky and Mahammad Ali  pep talk, I’m holding out for some ice cream! I hope my abstinence from this will have been worth it and I hope I have the appetite to actually enjoy it πŸ˜…. If you want to track me and pray with me that my achillies hold out for the day, I start at 0650 my time, 1650 NZ time. My race number is 918. The live tracking is on here don’t ask me how to work it because I couldn’t figure it out so good luck 😁

Hope you’re all well. Stay excellent 😘


Struggle street

Hey team, how are you all? Still feel ya toes back in NZ? 
I’ve been in Germany/Deutschland since Monday after another killer week in Thailand training my ass off. Well I was trying to literally train my ass off but it appears my big booty is here to stay. I’m struggling a bit here in Munich with controlling my diet and getting to terms with the jet lag. I thought it might take me a day to come right, being a nurse and all I never had a normal sleep pattern anyhow. But, this morning I woke up and thought I’d been out on the grog all last night and didn’t know which way was up or down. I thought a black coffee (I usually don’t drink coffee) would knock me out of it so I put my running shoes on and planned to head to the park for some interval training. I decided to call Ma and Pa before I headed off and they managed to talk some sense into me and to have a complete rest day. Now if you’ve ever had to tapper, as much as you hold out for the day it begins, it is almost the hardest part of training. You panic you’ve not done enough and want to get out and keep working at it. Worst of all, you have really have to watch what you eat. I was doing so well with this until yesterday. I had an emotional melt down after going round in circles for two and half hours trying to get home. I hate driving over here and the GPS thing is absolutely no help! After finally getting home, I demolished a tub on Ben & Jerrys and have felt guilty and disgusting ever since. I’ve only lost 1kg after all that carry on in Thailand and frankly I’m pissed. I was eating well and training bloody hard. Sure I’ve tone up a little bit but I still have a squishy belly and ginormous legs! I probably need to give it more time but still, I’m pissed and now that I’ve destroyed a shit tonne of ice cream, I feel like throwing in the towel. I’m off to Roth tomorrow so hopefully being in the hype of the race, I’ll settle down but for now I’ll have to restart my will power. 

it was a must at a beer garden watching the Eurocup semi final. only managed a couple of sips of beer but of course demo’d the pretzel

I’m actually listening to a pod cast on nutrition at the moment and it’s very interesting. While most of his stuff is related to weight training and lowering body fat percentage, I find it helpful in identifying areas, of which there are a lot of, of weakness and how to over come these. One thing in particular which has surprisingly only just dawned on me, is being aware of how food makes me feel. When I eat well I feel fucken awesome, when I eat delicious ice cream and chocolate I feel like death. Seems a very simple concept but one I am just learning and proving very difficult to reinforce particularly when I’m traveling. I’ve managed to hold of on the pastries and such forth so far and saving some of those for post race but I’m gutted I caved and demo’d far too much ice cream. I know I bagger on about my diet and weight loss a lot but it is really a massive issue for me. I get a lot of comments on my weight in this sport (not so nice ones more often then not) and I struggle constantly comparing myself to others and how they look. It’s something I really want to get my head around. I think I’m making head way then I get knocked down, the scales show me something I didn’t want to see or my tummy sticks out further then it did two days ago. I’m not sure what it is I need to overcome or what/how it is that I’m eating that’s holding me back (I know ice cream doesn’t help but I have drastically cut sugar from previous) but if anyone has any tips please let me know.

Besides battling with my worst enemy, food (not including the GPS system in my rental car), Munich is really cool. They have beer gardens everywhere, everyone rides bikes and the country side is just how it is in the movies. I’m excited to head down to Roth tomorrow and get into race mode. I’m staying with a host family in Thalmaessing which is where part of the bike course runs. The family sound lovely so I’m super excited to get down there, I just have to get this damn rental car back to the airport! 😩
One week to go so need to bury my head in all things ironman!
Hope all is well, stay excellent xx 😘


I haven’t cried yet but…..

How i feel after every training session

I’ve been in Thailand for 10days now and I’m fucking dying! No, I haven’t got uncontrollable diarrhoea nor have I been attacked by  rabies ridden dogs (although they continue to try and eat me every morning). It appears I have signed up for a 14 days triathlon hell. To my unsuspecting self, I have come to Thanyapura (the training academy) in their off season. So, I’m more often than not the only armature athlete amongst a bunch of elites and pros! And when the armatures turn up, I’m still the shitest. πŸ˜”While this is taking a toll on my self esteem, it’s doing wonders for my speed especially on the bike. However, I’m often concerned about shitting, pissing and puking all at the same time (this is my way of knowing I’m going hard not some silly “zone”) during training but so far so good…..maybe I need to work harder?πŸ€”
Despite opening in with a paragraph of winging about actually having to do some hard work, I’ve  been having the time of my life. Train, eat, sleep, repeat. That’s all I’m doing and that’s all the energy i have for. The team here are amazing and the athletes something to aspire to πŸŠπŸ»πŸš΄πŸƒπŸΌ

Happier times, before i knew what was ahead of me!

On my first day I, and by “i” I mean they team that dragged me around, managed to smash out 180km in 5hours 40minutes, nearly an hour faster than my race pace. Things only got faster from there and while we’re frequently going out for an “easy” ride, I’m busting a lung to stay on the end of the bunch and getting pushed up hills by not one, but two people 😩. I’ve clocked up over 500km in a week and my ass looks like I’ve contracted goodness knows what (I almost wish this was possible but it appears celibacy and cats are my future). I’m hoping like hell all this training will help me to reach that extra level on race day and I get at least a bit of a tan! πŸ‘»

sweet pit stops (thank heavens they stop πŸ™) with an interesting selection of snacks. banana bread is the best i’ve ever had!

Speaking of race day, 19 days and counting, I’m shitting bricks. While I’ve been smashing some wicked miles and some achieving some speeds I never thought I could for sustained periods, my achillies have taken a hammering. Tonight we had running drills and I had to sit out half way through. This is the point I nearly cried. Although I’m often out the back and the last up the hill I don’t like to loose. I know that doesn’t make much sense but I don’t. I don’t like to be seen as the weakest and not being able to do what everyone else is doing is annoying and being bet by kids is even more annoying!

All in all I think I’m doing quite well here, for me anyway. I keep having to remind myself I haven’t been at this very long at all. I’m not child prodigy nor am I a pro. I was doing ok with this until some pro women turned up. Not an inch of fat on them and power houses both claiming podium finishes in last weekends 70.3. Why am I not that good? why do I not look like that? So now I feel like a fat fool on a TT bike with only one bike outfit because I had no room for a spear. 

Amazing riding and scenery

In saying this, I’m working hard during the training sessions. Harder than I’ve ever worked before, realising this is what it takes to be the best. I’m also working hard on my diet too. Unfortunately I found snickers bars at the local supermarket but I’ve eaten the whole bag so I won’t buy any more 😬. My diet currently consists of  chocolate milk, bananas and boiled eggs. Once I leave Thailand I don’t think I ever want to see a boiled egg again! I did a body fat percentage thing at the beginning of my two weeks here, also nearly made me cry. I’ll be fucken suicidal and straight for the kit Kat ice cream if it hasn’t improved by next monday πŸ™

I hope winters not too shit at home. It’s 30-32 degrees here #sorrynotsorry but I’m still as white as a lilly. The only benefit of being so white is when I take my t-shirt off (because it’s so damn hot) the shear brightness blinds everyone and they can’t see my squishy bits πŸ˜‰

I’ll try update you before I head off to Germany but if you don’t hear from me, I’m probably curled in the fetal position too sore and exhausted to lift a finger and you should notify the high commission to send aid (jelly tip chocolate and real chocolate milk). Currently my ass is so sore it takes me about 5minutes to lower myself to sit on it.

Anyway, keep warm and stay excellent 😘

And so it begins!

i have so many laters on!!

I’m currently sitting in Christchurch’s international airport about to start my “big OE”. I’m not sure how I’m supposed to feel but I think I might spew. I have a head ache from smelling too much perfume in duty free and am beside myself with the fear of the unknown. At the moment I want to go back to normal life where I know what the next 6months will be, work train work train, but I’m sitting here unable to answer most of the questions people have been asking me for past 3months. Where will you end up? What are you doing when you get there? How long will you be away for? What are you doing with your bike?As much as I want to explore and meet a world of new friends I’m terrified to leave the ones I have here behind.

Traveling on my own is going to be very interesting and I’m sure it will teach me a lesson or two. The first lesson I’ve learned so far is how much shit I have, compared to how much shit I need and that traveling with a bike is a pain in the ass. It’s taken up 20kg of my 30kg limit and remaining third is “active wear”. My carry on is packed to the brim and I’m wearing so many layers I’ll probably pass out from heat exhaustion the moment I set foot in Thailand.  While I wont woowing my billionaire husband with my compression stockings and Ironmsn man finishers t-shirts, I am very excited about establishing a fabulous European wardrobe once I send the bike home πŸ˜‰

no good chocolate in thailand so heres hoping that helps!

My main focus for going overseas is to do the norm and explore the unknowns but I really want to gain some European racing experience along the way. The first one to kick off my international debut is Challenge Roth! Now training for this has well, been rather sporadic and I’m relying fair bit on the training and racing in Wanaka . When I do train however it’s been pretty fucken awesome….I think. It’s all about quality, not quantity, right?! 

Anyway, I managed to finally break the 1hour 40minute mark for a half marathon the other day and snuck in with a 1:39. Dad still has me set to beat his time of 1:09, I started off running 2hour marathons so I’m slowly running him down.

surely we’ll make it in one piece 😬

It’s been just on two years since my first Ironman in Cairns and two years since Bex beat me. I’m a month out from my forth Ironman and to say that escalated quickly may be an understatement. However I do remember saying, that if I liked this outrageously expensive, time consuming and highly addictive sport full of over achievers and sexy assed men in Lycra, I’d travel my way away around the world doing it. So here we go I guess. 

The first stop on the “big OE” is Phuket. I have 14 days of training at the Thanyapura academy which I’ve heard some good things about and have seen some pretty good looking coaches too (by good looking I mean damn sexy!). These two weeks should hopefully, hopefully!, make up for my lack of training and fine tune me for Roth. For anyone wanting to move overseas and train for an ironman at the same time, don’t! It sucks. I may be unemployed but man alive I’ve been busy and I still didn’t get everything done. Mum will have to sort the rest, good old Mum. 

my beloved old and grumpy cat Heidi. i probably wont see her again 😭 mum said the next time she wees on the carpet, shes going to the vet! 😐

My sister wished me luck in finding my billionaire husband and I’ve got my fingers and toes crossed but I should probably try and focus on getting round Roth in one piece for now…..might find a nice bottom to follow around the course 😏

I hope you’re all keeping warm xx 😘

P.s. T-Rex and I have made it to Phuket safe and sound so let the fun and the shits begin!!!

I’m going on a big jet plane!Β 

Why hello! How are you? It’s been a couple of months now since Challenge Wanaka and I’m back to the same old routine of training for yet another ironman. I’m struggling a bit at the moment with motivation and I’m absolutely exhausted 😴😩. I’m slowly getting my head back in the game but for the most, the training sessions I actually do do aren’t going to badly.

Now I mentioned I think in my last blog that my diet was going to be my main focus for this race. As you could have guessed, it’s going fucking terribly🍦🍭🍫🍩πŸͺ😳. I have put on weight, not lost it and my sugar cravings as well as consumption is through the roof. The universe is not helping by bringing out new and delicious chocolate biscuits like the goodie goodie gum drop squiggles and choc bar mellow puffs. I hear they’re even bringing back the jelly tip chocolate! WHAT ARE TOU TRYING TO DO TO ME!!!!????? My self control remains non existent as well as my motivation to change. I am however currently making biscuits with coconut sugar, apparently good for you, and no flour, flour is apparently the devil. They taste alright but debatable if it’s worth it.   

At the top of one of the many hills climbed!

Despite my failure to control my calorie consumption, my biking is coming along in leaps and bounds. I’ve been doing a lot of riding with the USO bike ride crew who are wicked riders. One man in particular who shall remain nameless, has been taking me on monstrous hill sessions covering the equivalent of K2 (the hardest hilliest race in NZ) in 50km. While most of us winge and curse at this person, it makes the caramel slice at the end taste so much better! I’m back into the long lonely time trial rides which have actually been really good. I’m hoping I can continue to see improvements and really get into the swing of training twice a day again (I say this while I sit here writing this and making cookies, instead of doing a 3hour ride before work….in my cycling gear 😬).


I managed to qualify for UCI worlds!!

Running is going ok. I’m back suffering through 2hour runs with 10-15minute intervals, my most hated training day! 5am is not the best time to do these, especially when you run past the car of a guy you kind of fancied, parked outside the house of a chick you thought he was shagging but wasn’t 100% #stalkeralert #imsobloodydisperate #imgoingtobefoundhalfeatenbyalastians. needless to say I am very emotionally unstable at this time of the morning and there were tantrums and tearsπŸ˜­πŸ’”. As much as I despise long interval training, I was able to run a 1.48 off road half marathon with having been given the entry the afternoon before and after a night shift! A nice wee self esteem boost but still a long way to go!

Swimming, well I can’t really comment because I’ve been making every excuse not to get in the bloody pool. It’s on the to do list. 


Just shy of the top on Mt Ruapahu!! so fricken cool! πŸ—»

Anyway, about the big jet plane thing I’ve ambiguously inticed you in with. I did it! I spent a shit load of money and I’m off the travel the world✈️ ! I quit my job (1month till I’m a pro athlete!) and I got myself a credit card, very alarming😱! My first stop is in Thailand for 18days. I’m doing a training camp in Phuket at the Thanyapura sports centre which looks f’ing awesome. I just hope the shits from the delicious street food stop before ironman but can’t wait, the food is soooo good, 50cent pad Thai come at meπŸ’©πŸ’©πŸ˜…! After I’ve semi recovered from the Thai belly, and I’m hopefully a couple of kilos lighter, I’m off to Germany for my Ironman in Roth. My parents are hoping to come over and my dear friends who have just moved over to Germany will be there too! I’m so excited but terrified at the same time. Everyone keeps asking if I’m off traveling with my boy friend. What bf? Am I missing something? People still ask about Tinder boy but that ended donkeys years ago. Keep up people, keep up (anyone would think you don’t read my blogs 😐). Tinder boy and I still cha though. I use his hyperbaric chamber for altitude training in exchange for chocolate and beer #frienafits! Cheers Tinder boy. But no, it’s just me, traveling on my own in the hope of meetting my billionaire husband! I’m hoping to travel with my Ma and pa after my race and check out where they lived in Switzerland for 2 years. If I haven’t found my sugar daddy by then, I’ll look to get a job on the yachts around France and travel more from there. So if you’re around let me know your plans 😁✈️😁


Maybe I should look into this if all else fails

I’m not sure what else I can tell you other than I’m still desperately single and a little bit chunky. Never the less, I’m on to the next “detox” diet and hoping the next frog I kiss will be my Prince Charming 🐸…..or at least someone to provide me a bit of entertainment for a while 😏. 

I hope you’re all well and have someone to keep you warm….winters coming #idontevenlikegameofthrones 

Stay excellent 😘😘



Well, that just happened! After all the hype and sulking, the race is done and I now have to start training for the next one in July (who’s stupid idea was this!?)

Let the race around the world begin!


The week leading up to the race was lovely, eating, napping, eating, napping, one could get accustomed to such a life style. I was waited on hand and foot by my fabulous Mum and would give her a 9/10 as support crew/camp Mum, she lost a point because I ended having to walk home after the race…

Prior to the race I had checked out the course which nearly had me in tears and had banished all hope of achieving my goals let alone finishing before dark. The swim course: not as cold as people had warned me. I also found it dificult to concentrate on where I was going as I’d keep catching the beautiful mountains and surroundings as i came up to breath, I have the attention span of a two year old! The bike course: looked like it might kill me and that I would likely throw my bike of the Luggate bridge! The run: similar story, Gun road, which you’re warned about as soon as you’ve paid the money to enter, is an evil climb in the middle of the course set out to destroy any hope or sanity you had left. Needless to say I was thrilled to start on race morning.

Race day:

To be honest I was really relaxed about the day, maybe because I knew I had trained really well over winter and had made huge progress or, or!, because I had no hope in doing well, see paragraph above. I’m more inclined to think it was the later but who really knows. Anyway, I had managed a decent breakfast for me which included nodoz, 2 banana milkshakes, a red bull and a pre race thingy. Usually I struggle to get one milkshake into me then I proceed to try and keep it down long enough to at least absorb some of the calories. So, you could say this was a good start to the day!


Getting in the last of breakfast and starting with the self chat! Must not throw a trantrum, just don’t come last!

The swim:
Was rough as guts, the wind created lovely white caps across the lake, so rough even, the bouys kept moving and we had a 15minute delay while the team put them back in place. I swallowed so much water, the only benefit being it was a fresh water lake and I was well hydrated for the bike! I always struggle with knowing where in the field I am during the swim. I panicked I was way out the back and completely off course because I was mostly on my own, but I came out in a very respectable time for the conditions in a time of 1hr 5minutes and in 2nd place!

T1: aka the transition between the swim and the bike

I always find this one funny because I’m hideously dizzy and can hardly stand up straight let alone run in the right direction pick up the right bag and get my bloody wetsuit off. Anyway I managed to stay up right and set out on the bike with a hiss and a roar.

The bike:

Well, I thought I’d gotten better at this charade but I still have a lot of work to do. The wind was like a windy day in Wellington, blowing from every direction, it was a success to just stay upright. At some points we were kicked onto a 45 degree angle to try counteract the wind!

I knew was well up in the field when I got out of the swim, but for how long was the question! To be fair it was much longer then last year and I only slipped back to 4th by the end of it. On the course map they give you, the total elevation (the total amount of metres you climb) over 180km was apparently 1005m. Now I don’t know what device they were using but it was about 1800-1900m, a considerable difference especially when you after to run after. Needless to say I wasn’t overly happy and let everyone know that, “this fucken sucked and I was never doing it again!” If I could suggest one thing to challenge Wanaka, it would be to get rid of the dog leg out towards Tarras. Struggle street is the best way to describe that stupid bit of road.

I had had enough by this stage 30minutes behind schedule and id missed my opportunity to throw my bike of the bridge 😑

I was very happy to get off t-Rex at the end of 180km 6hours and 47minutes later 😩

T2: the transition between the bike and the run, was a bit soggy. I swear I’m the ironman weather jinx! I’ve yet to do an ironman in nice dry conditions, maybe Roth is the one!


About 8km to go on the last lap. Hurting a bit but at least the sun came out!

The Run:

Was going to be hard! I had smashed my legs on the bike and was hurting already. I came off the bike a thought I was in 5th position in my age group but 3rd for the NZ Tri champs. I motored along for a bit, forcing in fluid and gels. Then came gun road! Not as bad as i had worked it up to be, but enough to knock the wind out of your stride. I managed to pick up the bloody Ozy that passed me on the bike to put myself in what I thought was 4th. I was down on my expected time but knew I had to be realistic due to conditions of the day. I had a cheeky pee in my running shoes and powered on in search of the next victim! Heading out on the second lap I was told I was in third and catching second but knew the girl in fourth wasn’t far behind and catching me. This is the most god awful feeling knowing someone’s coming to get you! I was looking over my shoulder the whole way round but she never came!

I finished the run in 4hours 9minutes a PB for me and one of the top 10 run times for the females 😁

I crossed the finish lined in 3rd place and what I thought was 2nd in the NZ Tri champs!!! I was stoked and pretty fucked to say the least. I was about an hour slower than planned but I achieved the goal I had set out to and it was awesome and as it turned out I was first in my age group for the NZ Ultra distance triathlon champs!!! I even managed to finish 13th female over all including the pros!!
Total time 12hours 9minutes!

My first gold medal, I’m stoked, can you tell? Future hubby to the right there πŸ˜‰πŸ˜˜

I’m a bit ambivalent about how Wanaka went. It was by no means a fast time and Wanaka doesn’t have the numbers Taupo does, so was this an easy win/3rd or can I put it in perspective, a harder course in tougher conditions. Taupo had amazing conditions this year and it would have been interesting to see how I would have gone there. I have to keep reminding myself that the long term goal is Kona and it’s going to take time. Ive improved so much this season but I have a lot of work still to go, particularly on the bike. I’ll get there (if I stop eating my weight in Easter eggs!).

Now that I’ve raided the confectionary and chip aisles at most supermarkets and had wicked piss up with my friends like a normal 25year old (I even managed to bring a boy home!! Although I was vagina blocked πŸ˜” I’ll call it a win πŸ‘), it’s time to pull my head in and start training for Roth! The goal this season is diet! I know I harp on about it but it needs to change. I’m slowly improving but can still out eat most people when I want.
I’ll keep you updated with travel plans and training for my 4th ironman 😱! Things have got out of control.
Stay excellent 😘 xx



Wad up team!? Long time no chat.

Happy V day for yesterday 😘 hope it was a bit more romantic then mine. The only massage I got was a self calf, knot kneeding massage, very intermit 😐 

Most swimmers will relate to this 😍

First things first, I won! I won my first age group race at taranaki round the mountain a couple of weeks ago! Trust me it’s as much of a surprise to me as it is to you. I was the first 25-29year old female home by an hour and 26th female over all. The ego boost I needed to end the hard months of training. And before you ask, Yes there were more than 26 females, 96 actually, and yes more than just me in my age group πŸ‘ It’s awesome to see such improvements especially coming from one of the last if not the last one to cross the finish line.

It’s been a crazy hard month or so and my coach has been on the hate list for most of it. I’ve done the hard yards so I’m hoping it all comes together on race day in 4days and 19hours 😱 
Now, I’ve moved places and moved in to my coaches lovely home with her husband and their 15 year old son. It’s so fun having a sibling again! Fighting and arguing, I even win most of the time! I’ve had to brush up on my high school English skills and help Liam with his homework. Considering my 6th form English teacher thought I was dislixic, it’s pretty much the blind leading the blind. It’s so much easier these days anyway. If you don’t know something you just google it. The students can even email their teachers to ask questions! Aahh fok tat, teachers have to deal with the shits all day then get them emailing them at home because they didn’t listen in class, little shits!

I started tapering a little earlier then I think most usually would but I can tell you I was very happy to see those words on my training plan. They say you don’t know what true love is until it arrives and well, I’d have to agree. I was exhausted and would come home from work jump straight into bed and could have slept through till morning. That probably doesn’t sound to unusual but I finish work at 3pm. Anyway, my main focus during taper was to not get fat! I may have got a bit excited last year and thought I could eat what I wanted, including 6 ice creams in one day, and it not touch the sides. Well, my ironman photos beg to differ! I’ve not been too bad this time, eating a few more carbs than usual but at least I’m not chewing through a kilo of chocolate fish! I’d say that was a remarkable improvement.

Taper period is an anxiety ridden three weeks. You think about all the sessions you missed and how they will be your failing. You feel unfit and no where near ready to achieve the goals you set 8months ago. You worry about someone touching you, causing your arm to break and because you’re no longer sitting on a bike for 6-7 hours you have far too much time to think about the above in all worst case senarios. It’s an unnerving time but you no deep down you’ve done all you can and you just have to trust it will all come together on race day. 

I’m currently on the plane to Christchurch and will be driving down to Wanaka tomorrow with mum. I’ll hopefully have an update closer to race day so we’ll chat then. 

Stay excellent 😘 xx